


ranunculus

by sechung



Category: I.O.I (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, lots of pain, sokyung if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sechung/pseuds/sechung
Summary: Somi learns the pain of loving from a distance.





	

Somi lives for Sejeong.  
She lives for when Sejeong gives her a reassuring touch on the shoulder when she sees Somi shaking with nervousness. She lives for when Sejeong smiles in her direction supportively. She lives for when Sejeong lets her cling to her and softly strokes Somi's hair.  
It doesn't take long for Somi to realize she's in love. 

At the dorms, when promotions get stressful, Sejeong will walk at night to buy Somi's favorite snacks, will lend the younger her sweatshirt when she sees her shivering—and Somi wonders if maybe Sejeong feels the same way back.

One late night, everyone goes out to buy snacks and Somi and Sejeong stay behind to watch over the dorm and clean up. Somi sits next to Sejeong, rests her head on the older girl's shoulder, and Sejeong gives her that smile that radiates every bit of sunshine and light.   
"Unnie," Somi says softly, fiddling with the fabric of her skirt, "I'm really thankful you exist in my life. I'm glad we met."  
Sejeong takes Somi's hand, rubbing a circle into her palm with her thumb.  
"I'm thankful you exist too."

Soon, Sejeong has to leave. They're splitting off, forming a unit and Sejeong is going to debut—again.   
Somi feels lonely without the warmth of Sejeong's touch, the comfort of her husky voice, and she finds herself returning to where Sejeong's bed was and sitting there, thinking.  
Things are upbeat, she supposes, they're filming a new reality show, and Somi keeps the same smile that everyone loves. Her favorite part of the day, however, is when she gets home and messages Sejeong. She'll tell her about her day—what she did, where she went, funny things that happened—and Sejeong will reply, encouragingly, positively, sending selfies saying "just for u :*** <3 u my somi" and Somi's heart will beat fast and her face will flush red as she hides under her blankets.

Comeback promotions twirl by, for Sejeong and for Somi, and the latter starts counting down the days until the group reunites officially again, minus the occasional CF shooting or fan meeting where Somi only gets a blur, a brief touch of the older girl.   
When they all gather to talk about final comeback preparations, Sejeong bursts into the room, but the first person she runs for a hug from is Chungha—Somi feels a twinge of jealousy in her stomach but she thinks nothing of it.   
Somi is finally in the comforting arms of Sejeong again, melting into her warm aura whenever she finds a chance, sitting on her lap when the group watches movies together, backhugging her during MV filming, whatever the younger can get.   
Somi is happy, as happy as she can get without the knowledge that Sejeong loves her back, but when the girl with the happy eye smile wraps her arms around her, Somi's turmoil of emotions inside calms.

One day, Somi doesn't feel well, perhaps it's from the anxiety or the dieting or the endless practice, so from the insistence of the other members, she stays back in the dorm.   
It's late, Somi can see the stars just rising behind the clouds out one of the windows, and she hears noise at the door.   
"Shhh! Shhh! Somi can't hear." a hushed voice whispers.  
"I think she's asleep right? She's sick."   
Somi doesn't really know whether to greet them at the door, or not, and just slowly backs into her room, where the lights are off. From her bed, she can just barely see out the door and into the dimly lit hallway.   
That's where she sees Sejeong and Chungha, giggling, pulling each other by the hands down the hall.  
"Do you think they believed us when we said we were sick?"  
"It doesn't matter. I just needed some alone time with you."  
It's then when Sejeong pulls Chungha close, her hands gently touching her cheeks, and kisses her with a soft, loving passion.   
That's when Somi realizes she's never experienced that with Sejeong before. The gentle way the couple in the hallway's lips interlock, how their eyes sparkle with visions of eachother, their fingers tangling together.   
Sejeong saves that for Chungha.   
Sejeong loves Chungha.  
Sejeong doesn't love Somi.  
Somi closes her eyes, but she doesn't sleep that night.

The first petal arrives the next day.   
It's after the recording for a music show, that Somi feels a tightening around her lungs. She coughs into her elbow, and notices the smallest spot of blood staining her skin.   
Somi runs to the bathroom, past the manager and the staff who are giving her concerned looks, and leans in front of the sink, hacking and coughing. There's something caught in her throat, tearing its way out.   
With a final bloody cough, whatever was lodged in there comes out in Somi's hand. It's a single petal, pink.  
Later, when she reads about the petals that will soon come in volumes out of her mouth, she learns they're from a flower called Ranunculus, which is supposed to symbolize "radiant charm and attractiveness", which almost perfectly describes Sejeong herself. 

She finds out about a disease where someone experiencing unrequited love will throw up flower petals.  
Somi doesn't tell anyone, she deals with the pain by herself, flushes the petals down the toilet, cleans the blood off her fingers.   
She notices every sly touch between Sejeong and Chungha, the way they look at each other. Sejeong seems happy, and perhaps that makes Somi happy.

It turns out one person discovers her secret. She keeps it hidden until promotions end, even though with each passing day, it gets worse and worse, her throat becoming more and more raw, her lungs tightening like vines are growing around them.   
But Somi has never been the best at subtlety, and Jieqiong, always one for picking up on the smallest of emotional hints, can tell something is wrong.   
She follows Somi to the bathroom one day.  
"Somi," she says softly while opening the door, and the other girl jumps slightly at the intrusion, "What's going on."   
Jieqiong sees the flower petals floating in the sink.  
Somi doesn't say anything.  
"Oh no." Jieqiong whispers, closing the door. "Is it- Is it Sejeong?"  
"How'd you know?" Somi says hoarsely.  
"It's painfully obvious." Jieqiong gives her a sad, sentimental smile, and Somi realizes she's never seen this much anxiety in Jieqiong's eyes.  
"It's curable, you know."  
"It's okay, I'll be okay."  
"You'll die, Somi."  
Somi bites her lip to hold back tears.  
"They say when the operation is over, you can't love that person again."  
Jieqiong gently sits her down on a chair next to the sink, uses a washcloth to wipe her face.   
"Maybe that's for the better."

Sejeong leaves again, for her solo debut, and Somi watches all her stages from her laptop in bed.   
Jieqiong gets more worried by the day. 

"You need to make a decision soon." Jieqiong says, on one particularly bad day. She gathers the flower petals into a trash bag. "You can't go on like this. I'm so scared for you, Somi."  
The younger doesn't say anything for several minutes, just rocks back and forth in her seat.   
"I'll do it." she says, finally.  
Jieqiong gives her a relieved smile.

The surgery is scheduled for late January. Somi worries and worries as the days click closer, yet her mind is kept busy by concert practices and recordings.  
After practice on a late evening, Somi finds just her and Sejeong alone in a room together. They sit next to each other, leaning against the wall and sharing snacks.  
"I'm scared to lose you." Somi says quietly.   
"I'm scared of disbandment too." Sejeong says. "But I'll always be here, near you, even if we're not in the same group anymore."   
She smiles at Somi, and Somi feels her heart tumble.  
Somi doesn't have the heart to say the thing she's scared of is falling out of love with Sejeong. 

The day of the surgery, they say they're leaving for a doctor's appointment. No one asks why Jieqiong comes.  
The two hold hands in the car, Jieqiong tells Somi funny stories to keep her breathing steady and her legs from shaking.   
When Somi goes under, the last thing she sees is Jieqiong's smile.   
When she wakes up, the older girl is still there, waiting by the side of her bed. She doesn't question why Jieqiong is so dedicated.

It's the next day Somi sees Sejeong again, and Sejeong greets her like she always has. There's a warm twinkle in her eye, but Somi sees nothing. She doesn't feel the tingle in the tips of her fingers or the flush in her face. She can't see anything in Sejeong anymore.

Somi doesn't see Jieqiong coughing in the corner of the room, and she doesn't see Jieqiong running to the bathroom to find a single, bright yellow flower petal in her hand.


End file.
